so today went well i weighed myself early and was 44.8kgs so 98pounds. then spent all day dreading weigh in binged on chocolate but was soo proud of myself that i kept it in. then went to weekly weigh in and id lost 1kg=2.2 pounds. and got the whole where do u want to be for christmas because we will send u away to a clinic talk. grrr i hate that talk. then i came home and had a huge fat arse binge grr like 3000 cals but kept it in. then went to the gym :( but hating on myself soo bad. 2 day fast as of 2morrow. work tonight :( anyone want to be my beautiful little sweet fasting buddie?

love always and forever
-K-
xxxxx

Day 3 of my fast, check =] If i can keep getting away with it after Friday, i'll be superduper fucking happy.

Anyways, I was looking through some old pics. It's taking me some guts to put em up , but i'll do it. Honest opinions would be great. I think I'll always have huge hips, no matter how much weight I drop ugh >:[

( Pics here, hope this cut works )
I'm still a work in progress , i'll add more in a couple weeks

went 72 hours on my fast exactly. just had some broth and gatorade. but at 12am, i was up studying and had 2 pieces of brocolli which i know isnt a lot but its freaking me out. ugh. im just gonna stop there, fast all today, and see what happens when i get home at 4. i think i can keep it up til sat with just broth and other liquids.
im proud i made it 72 hours though. it just sucks to break it. ya knoo??? :(
i feel so full. i hope i didnt gain, even though i havent weighed myself since sunday and cant til tomorrow.
i think i'll be okay
i just need to go to sleep and get this last final over with tomorrow and go the hell home.
ugh. xmas is still freaking me out and so is this whole upcoming week. im scared.

sorry to hog space on here, but i need help plz!!

i've never done the salt water flush but i want to try it and i intend on getting sea salt very soon. i read up on it and i'll drink the mix tomorrow morning on an empty stomach. has anyone tried it? ofcourse i'd LOVEEE to see the numbers go down, but i also have ibs(sorry tmi) but has anyone had any success with the salt water flush? does it actually work or will i just end up puking everywhere? i'm just scared some kind of imbalance will occur or something and i'll, like, die or something. and did anyone actually end up losing any weight?

thanks =D

I hate when I'm too hungry to sleep :|

This is my plan for tomorrow:
0 cal - Dunkin Donuts iced tea, plain
120 cal - Apple Walnut Soy Joy
60 cal - 1 serving steamfresh mix veggies
200 cal - pretzel crackers & hummus (if I'm hungry at work)
= 380 for my 400 calorie day :)

today i ate-

avocado/tomato/cheese slice/cottage cheese in a mini pita pocket(grilled)-150g
half an individual chocolate piece-10g?
cottage cheese in a mini pita pocket-100g
capsicum/mince/onion/mushroom omlette thing-200g- PURGED
coffee/almond biscotti's-100g
=i purged the omlette thing so i imagine my total weight/intake is about 360grams. 400grams tops.

and i had a shit load of coke zero too. i ate soooo much though!! it was a daily binge, i swear. i know normal people eat more than what i had today. my mum was with me most of today and jesus, she ate much more than me, but she's healthy. she eats healthy and looks healthy. but i'm not healthy and when i try to be healthy i just throw up cos i get scared!!
but i woke up feeling like i should give health another shot today and it clearly didn't work at all. so tomorrow i plan on coke zero/water/200g day...yay

take care every1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
xoxxxxxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooooooooooxoxoxoxoxooo =D

Lady's you are all so strong and beautiful, but i need to recover.
i had one of those revelations that i was hoping for, and i finally
got it last night. and today i realized im more than ready to recover
after 2 and a half years. thank you all so much for you support and love
and i will make sure to check in frequently.

i love you all and stay strong

Dear gals,

I'm losing my mind and I'm leaving to go get help. Not food wise but mentally I need a break... I'm gonna continue my dieting but I'm gonna leave for awhile. Merry Meet, Merry Part.


Xoxo! I'll be back when I can.. leave a message for email :)

When you fast all day, or for a few days, does anyone else get that weird thing where it hurts to chew? XD I just had a piece of gum and it was a bit painful at first lolz.

In other news I got 10$ worth of groceries for 2.98 - It pays to be a thrifty anorexic !

so my parents bought me a ticket to go on vacation with them even though i told hem about 3829083901 times i did NOT want to go.
The last thing I wanna do right now is spend a week with them, I was so excited to be home alone for an entire week. I just wanna die right now.


in other news, my fucking jaw keeps locking and i can't open my mouth. at least i wont be able to eat now.

So, I've had a good day today! It's my birthday(Still wednesday here) and I'm now 17. FINALLY! lol. The only bad thing would have to be that I ate soooo much! Ugh....
Oh well! It's my day, and I can binge if I wanna! But today only!

Plus, In swimming, my coach put me ina bigger race: 100 backstroke and I just learned how to do it this week. So I'm happy bout that!!! lol
Teenfatty

i gave myself a "fat day" and binged like twice. i purged a bit of the first one up. but i just gave up. i'm so exhausted.
i'm up three pounds and i just took some pills to try and get down a pound tomorrow.

tomorrow i get out of school at ten am. i'm going to just go to the library and read as many books as i can until they close. i need to calm down. too many things have been upsetting me. maybe if i go live in the library i'll gain some of my sanity back.
i'm always going to be a failure. i'm always going to get let down. i'm always going to be fat. i'm always going to be useless. i'm always going to be nothing. ugh.

Today was good, I didn't eat much only 500 calories and I was bitching myself out for eating so much when a friend came knocking on my front door. She was the 'pretty' girl the one every guy wants. When she came in the first thing that came out of her mouth was "Oh my god...You've lost so much weight.." and this caused her to wolf down 12 christmas cookies.. one after another. I looked down at my stupid fat and she just kept saying you used to be so much bigger... like so big... (that sent mixed feelings) but I guess I got my ego boosted. But then after she left. I felt.. kinda depressed..I went and looked in my full length mirror and there I was.. still fat... ugly.. pudgy... the fat girl.. But then again... I was fatter.. Two one more day until full blown fast days! Fri-Sun! Lookin forward to them. Nothing but water baby! I wrote this for school, any comments (I grade my own work btw) ( Poem.. )


You girls are my inspiration.

You all keep me going when I lose strength! Keep your hearts, minds, and bodies beautiful. You all are beautiful and strong in your own way, one binge won't change you're strength and passion for life. Love you all! You are all my Idols.

How is everybody?I'm trying to get back to 90lbs I think Im 107 0r 110 my scale is broken and going crazy!! Feel so fucking disgusting

did really good today until i ate two mini bagels.
pretty bummed about that, but theres always tomorrow right.

Everytime you say no to food, you say yes to thin

I did pretty darn good today! My calorie intake was about 450 and thats wicked good for being an athlete :) I did somewhat "binge" on a chocolate bar and that is my main source of calorie intake but I didnt eat lunch so that kinda made up for it. I have been going to basketball practice for aobut 2 hours and then coming home and doing 1 hour of exercises :)
I feel so proud of myself...I hope you girls are doing a kick ass job to!!

Have a awesome night :)

ps. my boyfirend told me I am "thick" in all the right places...I wanted to cry my eyes out...what do yall think of what he said? Please I would love to have some feedback on that

Ok last night I destroyed eating well. Had that good grilled fish and salad dinner then came home and binged on 8 corn thins and a pack of 2 minute noodles - total of something like 600 calories or more EWWWWW. Felt so gross and thought i'd undone all my hard work :( BUT then the scale this morning says 65.7kg. How the frig ?!?! I really thought it'd be up around 67 hey. Either way today i'm sticking to black coffee, green tea, some soup and hopefully nothing else =)

I bought them today, not thinking they would really work- but they do! I have only taken one, and it decreased my appetite soo much!

Plus, I bought a special kind that's supposed to help mental fatigue (since I've been tired and confused lately from not eating) and it helped that too, immediately!

I'm starting to have some faith that I'll lose weight from these!!

Does ne 1 know how many tablespoons are in those little 2 dollar bottles of betty crocker chocolate sprinkles? Most chocolate sprinkles are around 35 calories per table spoon but I don't know how many were in there. It was a very small bottle though. Ugh. So today I ate less than one cup of rice with a couple small pieces of kimche which is under 200 cals. But then I ate the whole bottle of chocolate sprinkles. And if theres 5 tbs in there...im not sure though...that would put me up to 375...dammit. *cries*